Happy happy Emma!

Oh! Any minute he is here! Do I need to tell you guys how happy iam!? I’m on my way in now to the town to meet him up! My habibi ♡ My Dinosaur ♡ I have been missing him so much! Guys you have no idea! And now he is soon here! My husband, my love! Oh I’m so happy! Haha! I can’t stop smile! 

To my beloved father

​posted this on my public Facebook. 

You’re always with me Dad. Every step I take and every breathe I take. I wish I could hug you, I wish I could hear your voice. I wish I could see you smile. Dad, protect us all but mostly over mama! I love you Dad and I can finally relax just a little bit now when I know you are home where you now belong ~ together with the nature and the earth. My angel, protect us, guide us, be our guardian angel. Dad, my hero, my father ~ I’m proud of you. I wish you were here instead of up in the heaven and walk around on the clouds.

Wait for me dad when it is my turn to go. Please be standing in front of the gate with your arms open when its my turn to go. I will run up to you and hug you but I will never let you go. You left me once, I’m not allowing that again. 
I wish I could sit on a cloud next to you, looking down  on the people on earth with you. Laugh, smile and have that father/daughter time. Just be able to sit next to you would make me the happiest girl. 
I love you Dad, and please protect mama ♡

I give up dad

Dad, I just saw your number on my phone. I wish I could just call and you would pick up so we could talk. Dad, it painful to see your number on my contacts but iam not ready to remove it. Dad, I can’t remove your number. I don’t want to. I’m not ready. Dad, I wish I could hear your voice, I wish I could hear your laugh, I wish I could laugh with you when you were joking around. Dad, I miss you so freaking much. It hurts so much, it hurts in my heart. I just wanna cry. I wanna let my tears go but I can’t. I’m trying to be strong, I’m trying to not give up. I wanna be next to you. Dad, I wish there was a way so I could just call you for one last time and hear your voice. I just wanna hear your voice for the last time.

Dad, please, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I wanna give up. I wanna be next to you. I’m sorry, I know you want me to be strong but I can’t. I’m happy now but deep inside I wanna die just so I can be in heaven next to you.

I love you my beautiful angel ♡

66 days ago

66 days ago, I can’t believe that it’s already that long time. 66 days ago you were alive, 66 days ago I found out that you went to heaven. Dad I miss you so much! I wish you were here, I wish you could see how happy iam. I wish you could see the progress I’m doing on changing my life. Dad, you are the reason why I’m taking care of myself better, dad you are the reason why I’m almost done with diabetes.

Dad, I miss you so much. I miss your smile and laugh. I miss the way you got pissed off when I took my camera out just to snap photos of you. I always said that I had deleted them but I’m glad I never did. Dad, you will always be in my heart and on my mind. I miss and love you so much. I wish you could come back from your long term vacation. I need you here.

I wish you could meet babe and I hope you accept him ♡

Like a punch in the face

Seeing your beloved father’s name with the horrible word “death” between is really hurtful. My dad’s name.. it’s my daddy’s name! I don’t wanna see the word ‘death’ between it. It’s so weird. My dad. My beloved father. Dad, I miss you so freaking much ♡

Its like a punch in the face to see this letter. Thank you mailman for this. It’s a punch in both my face and my stomach.

I love you Dad and I wish you were here with me now! I really need your hugs now.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Follow the light dad

It may sound weird but when I took this photo, so was this the text that was in my head.

Daddy, now you have your spot

I have been ignoring the stuff I got after my dad  because it has been so hard. But I have had the boxes standing in my kitchen but it’s like I have ignored them. Well I have. But now I finally went thru them and have hung up one thing that I have loved ever since I saw it for the first time. You may think it’s ugly but I love it. It’s marine/sailor which I love! And now it’s on my wall in the kitchen, just like my dad had. I also have hung up his death add and a photo of him. A very old photo. But it’s mine.

The red piece of papers is the very last Christmas present I got from my dad. I got it on Christmas 2015 and iam so happy that I saved them. I don’t know why I did that but I’m so glad that I did that.

                     I miss you Daddy!
                                😭❤

                        Rest in Peace!
                                🌹🌷

A piece of a broken heart

My beloved father’s two things that I’m keeping close to my broken heart. His damn ugly hat and his glasses.

I miss you Dad. You made me cry rivers when I wore your hat just a few minutes ago. I started instantly cry when I putted it on my head. I was so happy when I saw it in the box. I screamed out loud and made some stupid applauds. But when it came on my head, my mood changed instantly.

Dad, I miss your arms. I wish I could run up into your arms and just cry. Never let you go. Never let go of your arms. Dad I miss your smile and laugh. I miss the jokes we always did. I miss our thing! Our special thing you did with me.

I will see you up there when it is my turn. Promise me to keep a spot right next to you so I can hold onto your pinky finger as I did when I was younger. Do you remember that? You never wanted to hold the whole hand. I had to hold you in your pinky but it didn’t matter to me. It was our thing when I grew up and later it became the other thing.

My pinky will meet your pinky one day. Not now. But one day ❤

Haram!

I found a photo on my phone (my memory is very weird right now) and I saw that I took a photo of our dinner last night.  A nice and quiet dinner with my three sisters only! I haven’t eaten a pizza since.. I don’t remember. It’s haram for me because I’m losing weight before my trip to Algeria. But last night we all decided to have a “pizza party” at daddy’s apartment. It’s probably the last food me and my two sisters eat there so it feels Okey this time.

Haram means forbidden on arabic.
And junk food etc is really haram for me. And it’s so hard. I’m not gonna lie. But I’m still craving (omg why didn’t I take that from mama’s place when I was there 😡 stupid me!) Pizza salad! Ugh it’s scary delicious and I’m kinda addicted to it! Lol! Must try walk over to mama’s place later or I take it tomorrow.  Ugh. We’ll see what happens.

XOXO
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