Hurricane in my brain and unpleasant visitor

So many thoughts. So many things in my head. So many problems that need solutions.  So many questions that needs answers. So many feelings on the same time makes it feel like an hurricane is passing by. 

Ghosts, it’s freaking 5.37am here in Sweden and I still haven’t got any sleep yet. Why? I was dead hungry, my hips is killing me with massive pains. I don’t know why. Nothing works. No pills, not heat on them. I was so hungry so I had to warm up some choritzo stew that I’ve made. They say that spices becomes stronger when it has been frozen.. well yes! Omg! It burns and it feels like, if I burp now, fire will come out! Like a freaking dragon! Haha! Wow! Milk?? Well I haven’t been drinken milk since like….. a year or something.  So I don’t have that at home. Ah well.

My status on Facebook I posted. I don’t know why I post things on Facebook really. I normally post some boring stuff or when iam mad. I don’t know why, but being mad and write your anger out on Facebook feels so good because you know that no one in your family can ever find out what you think or feel. Sounds weird? Well my beloved ghosts, welcome to my haunted world.
Back to food ⬇

I covered a word I wrote in red but I think you all can figure out what it says. That’s how I felt when I was hungry. Like oh my God people! I wanted to start eating on something but I didn’t know what and then I remembered I had the stew in the refrigerator! HOLY GOD IT WAS SO GOOD… the first two bites.. then the fire came. Haha but still I ate a bit.

I’m gonna try and get some sleep.  Hopefully I will be able to fall asleep now when I’m not hungry anymore. Better hurry up to fall asleep before the hunger strikes again! GOODNIGHT GHOSTS! wait.. goodmorning for some of you.

👻❤

What can I do?

Problems Problems Problems. No guys, it’s no problems between me and M. Not at all! We are both happy like birds in the morning of a summer day. Yes. I wrote something weird now. I won’t go into details or so about the problems but I really hope that everything will work out. I’m scared ~ I’m not gonna lite. I’m really scared because this problem has caused us one step back in our relationship but hopefully we will be able to take five new steps forward soon.

I have to stop think that everything is a fairytale. Everything is wonderful but from times to times life will test us but I know, together we will overcome these obstacles. We have had an wonderful time so far and now we met out first obstacle. Hand in hand, side by side, I know we will go right through them. One step back will lead us five step forward. I’m not leaving your side sweetie. I’m not abandon you. You and me ♡ 

Like I said, I’m scared but I also know that we will get through this. Hopefully.

That’s why I haven’t blogged for a few days. I’ve been on the phone with him, Elin, everyone ~ trying to figure out how to overcome this obstacle. It is a hard one. A hard nut to Crack but I’m not giving up even though sometimes it feels like I do wanna give up. With a few deep breaths I will focus again. One hour at the time. But what can I do? I don’t know. I feel so helpless. I feel so horrible for not knowing anything about this. No matter what I ask myself what I could do and can do, I can’t give myself answers. Hopefully I will get the answers on my questions soon. I wish I knew everything.

This damn Tornado!

The Tornados has gone through my apartment with a high speed and it has been a bitch! It feels like all I do is cleaning, cleaning and cleaning ~ well it’s true. It’s like the more you clean, the more comes out from the walls. Seriously! It never ends! And in 13H he will be here! AND I HAVEN’T FIXED OUTSIDE! omg. Well screw that. He knows how my family is, and what they have done. Ugh! I regret now that I forgot to take before photos so I could show you all but trust me, not even ants were able to move around in my apartment ~ that’s how much shit my family has dumped at my place. But hopefully it will get better soon. I promise I will take photos and upload here in the blog to show you how my life in my apartment is! I can’t wait til I move away from here ~ far from my family as possible! Don’t get me wrong, I love them but I need a break from them and I want a new start. 

13 hours × can you guys believe that? Yes I’m doing countdowns and he knows about it. It keeps me focused and he thinks it’s funny.  Pssshhhh. Watch it boy! Haha! 

Earlier today I called my sister and told her to help out with mom while he is here because I want to spend every minute I can with him and for you all who knows how my family is… let me just say that I told my mom that I’m close to call him and tell him not to come but I won’t.  I miss him to much! Also I asked my brother if we could borrow his car so me and M could go see a movie while he is here and my brother was about to say yes and I said that it was for me and M and not mom and he instantly said no! I asked him so many times why he is so anti all this and no answer. Pssh I can’t do anything else than laugh. He is so lame! 

I’m in bed atm and write this. Yes. I’ve been in bed a lot lately. My body is exhausted. Being Cinderella all day ~ 24/7, clean, laundry, babysit, arguments etc all the time. Plus my beloved headache. Yes ghosts, it’s still going strong *sigh*. 

I’m gonna continue the cleaning etc now and later take a shower plus try to get some beauty sleep ~ you know , even this beast wants to feel pretty sometimes. Lol! Blog more later! Muwah!

Where does your shadow go,

When I took this photo, I remembered a photo I uploaded on my instagram with the same text on caption as I have on this picture. Where does your shadow go when you leave the earth for your spot in heaven? No one knows. I wish I knew. 

Sorry for a weird post but I felt I had to post it ;o my thoughts you know.

Wishes ~ solve the problems before it’s too late and before you regret

People ask you this question “If you had 3 wishes, what would you wish for?” To be honest I only need one wish. I would wish that my dad was here with us again. If I had to use all 3 I would wish for more wishes so I could help people with their wishes, I would wish that our friends and family came back to us and be with us here on earth instead of walking around in heaven. 

You can always wish and dream to have a person back in your life but please, don’t wish that when they are gone, when it is too late. You hurt yourself more than helping yourself. Take your time and be with the people you love. I barely had the chance to be with my dad and I regret it so so so much. So please, if you have an unsolved argument or so with someone you love ~ please solve it now before it’s too late. Last time I met my dad we had an massive argument about Muslims, arabs etc and I was so mad and angry at him. So take this from someone who had some unsolved issues with someone they loved  ~ solve the issues now before it’s to late.

P L E A S E × SOLVE THE ISSUES BEFORE THEY RETURN TO THEIR PLACE IN HEAVEN.

The photo don’t match but what ever.  Ducklips ✔ check! In bed? ✔ dislike ✔✔✔✔

I wear my pink bow on my head and I know you will stare sweetheart

Goodmorning ghosts 👻❤

How are you all? I’m on my way to Gävle for moms treatment. I’m in the back seat and my back is killing me. I’m tired and hungry. I don’t understand why I don’t eat breakfast in the mornings! Ugh! I must be awake for like three hours or so before I can eat! 

Anyway, my blog use to be a lot more fun to read but to be honest, I don’t have so much fun now days. It’s all about the treatments, long car rides, crappy sleep and pokemon while I’m going to the hospital. But this weekend I’ll blog fun things hopefully! Why? Because I’m going to a town down in Sweden! I’m gonna meet and hang out with my babes! I can’t wait! I’m so excited but on the same time iam really nervous ~ I’m gonna go there by trains! I haven’t been on a train since I was like six years old or so! So iam really nervous that I won’t find the right place to catch the next train! Hopefully I will find right! But like I said, iam really nervous that I won’t find it or that I will miss it! Lord help me!  Haha! I’ve already packed my suitcase ten times! I know! Ten times already! I’m crazy! I’m leaving on Friday and I will stay til Sunday and I really think that my bag weights like 50KG and iam not done packing! Ohmygod! 

♡ I’m gonna go now but I’ll post more. I will be alone while mama gets the treatment so I will be able to blog a little bit. 
Muwah! 😘

Goodmorning my ghosts!

Mood right now; Car sick, hungry and tired. 

What am I doing?; going to the hospital!
Goodmorning my wonderful little ghost family! I hope you all are good and fine and still fabulous! 
I’m tired as crazy, exhausted, constantly worried and the headache is still going strong 💪 seriously, 5 months now. What’s going on? Anyway, I’m on my way to the hospital again with my mom. Five days a week {Monday to friday} for seven weeks. This is the second week. So five more weeks. Ugh! But I won’t be able to go with her on every treatment. But almost everyone. I’m her support, company and I’m showing her that I’m not leaving her side. Never ever! 
Cancer,  I hate that shit. My mom has cancer in her throat. I don’t know what it calls on english but it’s affecting her talking ~ but still she can’t shut up. Lol! ~ but I think the treatments is going good. She’s tired thought but she is still super strong! I’m proud of her. My hero!
Arabic, yes I’m still learning Arabic and I still love it. But lately it has been so much in my head so I haven’t learned anything new.. kinda.. but I’m repeating everything I know so I won’t forget it. I’m also talking Arabic with the drivers when they drive us {arabs} and they are kinda proud off me that I’m learning and know some words and sentences. And so am I! Haha! 
Anyway, back to the post! Every day is the same, can for two hours to get there. Buy breakfast on the way down ~ always a sandwich and a coca cola zero. Love it! And of course I’m hunting pokemon while I’m there! Haha! Yes, you read right! I play pokemon go and I’m not ashamed of it! Haha! Team Valor! Haha! After having that stop we continue to the hospital for an other hour ish. And mama does the treatment, I’m waiting ~ and hunting 😂 ~ but I found a funny thing ~ I don’t know what it calls on english ~ and I feel like a child again. It’s perfect for hunting pokemons! Haha! Mama does the treatment and then she wants coffee at the cafeteria and I normally take a cute cookie {yes I wrote cute!}, charge my phone and then she calls for a cab and we go home and I crash in my bed and fall a sleep! That’s how my days look like ~ five days a week! Sorry for writing this but I want to, to remember this you know. 
What else? Well I will start blog more and more now. I hope you guys like that. Lol! I’m officially back! And I love it. I’ve actually missed writing here but I have so much going around in my head and hopefully it will calm down a little bit soon. 
I gotta go, I’m getting car sick and my head is killing me. But I will blog while I’m at the hospital ~ if I’m not busy chasing pokemons! Haha!
Muwah! 

Being a diabetic.

The life as a diabetic isn’t fun. You have always been on your toes and keep your bloodsugar level good. Now when I woke up, my bloodsugar was low. How do I know that?  Well my head was acting weird and I have a massive shakings so I remembered what dad told me “if you shake and your head is being weird. Drink a few sips of soda if u can or milk” and I remembered that I had a soda in my fridge (I don’t drink milk) so I took a few sips and now I’m in bed again. Waiting on it to settle in. It’s working a little bit because I don’t shake as much as I did before. For you who doesn’t have diabetes; if your bloodsugar is too low you can fall into coma and maybe never wake up from it again. That’s why I always have a soda bottle at home, in my fridge.

I hate having diabetes but according to the tests I did just a few weeks ago, my diabetes is soon gone. Woop! But I’m still gonna continue to take medicines and that stuff. Yes iam very careful. I’m trying to take care of my diabetes better now since dad passed away. Before I didn’t really took care of it so good but now I’m trying. I don’t wanna end up on the same destiny as my dad did.

Sorry for a weird post but I felt I had to write this so I can go back in the future and read you know.

Nervous!!!

Ok so iam really nervous now. Ohmygod! Do you guys remember when I wrote that the doctor thinks / suspects braintumor because of my headache? Today I got the papers! I got my appointment to do the x-ray on my head! I’m so nervous, I think I will throw up! Oh God.

Oh btw, iam so ashamed! I was meant to send a photo of the paper to a friend of mine and I accidently send it to A! Ohmygod! So embarrassing!

Planning?

Since I decided to go to Algeria, I became a freak to plan and have a structure on everything.  I even had a little book I wrote down everything in about what I have done, bought, meetings etc. But what happened to that trip? Cancelled.. so I’m really afraid of planning for my trip to France. What if that one get cancelled too? 😭 oh God!

I want a structure, a Notepad where I write down everything about it, money etc. And what I need to fix etc. But I’m scared 😢 to be honest!

Should I do it or not?