2017 · 2017 | Pregnancy


after hearing my whole life that I will never be able to have my own kids. And few years ago I found out that I have PCOS I was told that this sickness will make me forget about being a mom. They told me to forget about my biggest dream – to become a mom. It would never happen. I have so many cysts (?) down there. I was heartbroken. My biggest dream was crushed. I cried for days. 

My dad passed away March 2016. It made me lose weight – 50kg. I was so broken. My dad was now an angel. September 2016 I met my now husband. He came into my life when I needed someone as most. He saved me from depressions of what doctors said to me, having my biggest dream smashed onto the ground. He gave me light. He gave me a reason to live. Everything happened so fast with him. Engagement, marriage in January 2017. 10 days later after our wedding, I got pregnant. I had protection in me (IUD or what it calls) and boom still got pregnant! I was in shock. I was crying rivers. Is this really happening? Am I gonna become a mom? I did many tests! I decided to do tests when my period was 11 days late. We found out at the midwife. I have cell changes so I was called back to the midwife. I asked if they could do a test and it showed positive. 
Instead of going back to the midwife in an other room, I went straight to the waiting room. Crying and pointed at my stomach. My man didn’t understand what I meant. I cried even more when I was infront of him. “I’m pregnant” was the only line I could get out of my mouth. He smiled so much. He hugged me and we cried together. We both got called back to the midwife where she asked me questions about the pregnancy..  now I’m 21 weeks today. In 19 weeks, I’m gonna have my absolute biggest dream coming true. I’m an atheist but I thank God everyday for this blessing and this gift. I thank my husband so much “Thank you for making my biggest dream come true. Thank you for making me a mom”. I’m crying right now while writing this. I’ve so much feelings that I’m holding into myself. Every day I’m thankful for this blessing. Every day I’m thanking my father for sending M (my husband) to me. 
Sorry for a long post. 

2017 · 2017 | Pregnancy

The baby announcement !

Posted ~ 2017.06.12


One week ago, we found out that we are having a baby boy!  It has been super hard to be quiet about it but here we will announce it to you all ♡
We are truly blessed to have this precious little boy in our lives and we can not wait to hold you in our arms! The love for our boy is out of the limit. Going through all negativity in our lives because of this pregnancy is like a tiny dot in the sky. We are filled with happiness, joy, excitement and we are longing after our son. We are longing to hold him in our arms, to see him grow up. To teach him everything we know and can. 
Johnny, will be his name. After my dad who is now an angel watching over us. My dad was a fighter into his very last breathe and I want to honor my dad by naming my son after him.

2017 · 2017 | Pregnancy

Big news!

Hey guys! So I have been gone for a while from the blog. I know I know! Shame on me! But to be honest, I’ve been in so much stress and so much pain that I haven’t had the energy to update my blog. 

The headline says BIG NEWS !  Well here we go; I’m pregnant! YES iam! It’s a miracle that iam pregnant! I’m so happy and so excited to be a mom. It’s one of my biggest dreams! Thanks to my hubby that dream is coming true! All my life I’ve heard that I will never be able to get pregnant. Why? Because of the PCOS I have. I’ll write a post about that sickness later. And in March ~ March 5 I think it was, I was at the midwife because I have cellchanges down there ~ I’m not ashamed of saying that ~ and I told them that my period is late and I asked them if I could do a pregnancy test there NOTE I’ve done many earlier but it all showed negative BUT at the midwife it showed positive. I started to cry. Instead of going back to the midwife I went straight to my man, with tears falling down my cheeks, panic but happy. I pointed at my stomach while walking to the waiting room there he sat and he didn’t understand what I meant. “I’m pregnant” was all I could say and hugged him. The tears fell on both of us. We went back to the midwife and she asked me all kind of questions ~ do you wanna keep it? When was the first day on your last period etc. Even though I had protection inside me ~ again, I’m not ashamed ~ I was pregnant. We found out the date when the baby will be born ~ between October 27 and October 29. We also found out that I got pregnant 10 days after we got married. 10 freaking days! I take this as a sign a sign for us to become a family. Our bond between us is stronger than ever. 

After founding out that we are pregnant ~ well iam, I asked for help with smoking. I don’t wanna smoke. I was in week 5+5 when we found out. I’m in week 19 on Sunday. Still smokes. Yes I know. I have heard it all! Don’t need to comment that smoking is bad! 

The fear of telling my family I don’t remember exactly when I told my family but I know that I was pregnant at least for 10 more weeks before I told my mom and sister. I found out that I was pregnant right after we found out that my sister C had a miscarriage. So I decided not to tell her because I saw how depressed she was and I didn’t want to rub my pregnancy in her face you know. But apparently I did wrong. When I told my sister C that I am pregnant, she said the most nastiest shit ever and it hurts me. I have no contact with her ~ spoken with her twice on the phone and met her once since she said those things. I’m not gonna write what she said but trust me, it really hurts me. 

June Five (5) is the date when we will find out what sex the baby is. I’ve already seen our baby on ultrasound when I had to go to the emergency with massive pains and blessings. They think I’ve lost one baby ~ apparently I was having twins. But I don’t know. All I know is that I have one baby in my tummy. We heard the heartbeat and everything. When I saw on the monitor something moving I said out loud in shock “What the fuck was that!?” And after that I don’t remember what I said but according to my man and one of the godmother’s ive said fuck and shit all the time. I dont remember that. Haha! 

June 5, mom will come with us to see what sex the baby is. I’m hoping for a boy but my mind is telling me that it is a girl. But we will see. I’m happy no matter what the little monster is  🙂