2016 | •• ♡ Dad ♡ •• · 2016 | Photos

A stone for my dad

This year it will be our first year without dad. I saw this stone where it says “Merry Christmas Dad” and I really wanna put it on his grave but I can’t. There is a lot of problems us (me and my two sisters) and ugh (not writing more but ughhhhhhh ) so I can’t add what ever I want. But I will keep it under our Christmas tree at home instead. 

When I saw it at the store, I immediately said that I’m having this. There was some for mom too but no.. The Dad was the one I wanted so I  bought it. 

It hurts me to think that this is the first Christmas without dad. And it will be so empty without him. Not be able to call him, not celebrate Christmas, new years etc with him. My angel ♡ I miss you so much. 

2016 | •• ♡ Dad ♡ •• · 2016 | Photos

Attacked the kitchen

Hey ghosts, I’m so sorry for not blogging today. I’ve been to the town for my appointment at the dentist and I had to buy packing tape. I ran out of it yesterday. When I came home I started to continue packing down my apartment but this time I attacked the kitchen! I’m pretty tired of being in the living room after two days so I decided to deep dive in the kitchen and packed down glasses and all that things I don’t use. On the photo to the right I packed down the “moving away from home” package I got from my dad many years ago. I want to save it because I got it from my dad ofcourse and there is no way to find them anywhere. I’ve looked everywhere and people have had their eyes open for me as well.

While going through the cabins I found a pile of photographs that my family has taken ~ some off all the photos. I sat down for a while and looked through them.. all off the sudden I found a black and white photo I’ve developed in the dark room with negatives ~ when I was in high school. It is a photo I took of my dad {my sister was in the pic too} when I was 10 {going to turn 11}. I teared up and felt so lonely. So lost. ~ after a while after been starring at the photo of my dad {left}, I decided to pack down everything that has with daddy to do. I’m sorry Dad. 

So that’s what I’ve been doing. Packing down my kitchen, had my nephew over for dinner and ended the night by watching 11 episodes of mako mermaids on Netflix. I love that show ♡ 

The clock is near 2am here in Sweden and I’m actually gonna go to sleep. My head.. wow. Still going strong. 
Goodnight and Muwah!

2016 | •• ♡ Dad ♡ •• · 2016 | Photos

Loving memory 

Dad’s birthday today, the family {almost the whole family} was together ~ to celebrate his birthday. Cake and laughter. My sisters {except A} got this book today. It’s a book from dad’s funeral in a “loving memory of Johnny Söderström”. Painful but on the same time, it felt OK to hold it in my hands. It was a beautiful funeral and that we got it on dad’s birthday ~ well it’s something weird but special about that. I can’t explain. 

One day, when I haven’t cried so I look like a walking raccoon ~ I will snap a few photos and upload here from the book.

Happy birthday Daddy 😢❤

2016 | •• ♡ Dad ♡ ••

Happy Birthday Dad ♡


Happy birthday to my father ♡ today you would turn 66years old. My dad, you father, my love. Dad I miss you so much and having to celebrate this day without you is so hard. Dad, I wish you were here instead of up there. Dad you know that I would call and wish u happy birthday and I would hear your voice crack up and change to tears. Dad, I love you and I really really wish that I could call you, call you and tell you about my problems, tell you what goes around in my head and just to call you and tell you have much I really miss you.

Dad, you are worth your spot up there. After everything you’ve been through. After everything you had to suffer. Dad, my golden angel, I wish you were here so I could give you the kiss on the cheek and be in your arms. Dad, I miss your hugs and I miss your laugh. I miss everything.  I miss you so much that I’m crying right now. Every time I write about you in my blog or when I try to talk to you, I always cry. I can’t cry in front of my family.

Please dad, be safe up there and protect everyone. Don’t protect me, protect the others.

I love you and Happy Birthday ❤


2016 | •• ♡ Dad ♡ ••


Sad post alert.. 

hey ghosts. I’m in bed right now, trying to keep my tears away. Why? I just saw the countdown widget I have on my phone and it says that it is 160 days ago my beloved father made the decision to go to heaven and become an angel. It is so weird to believe that dad is in heaven. Even thought I know it is true, I don’t wanna believe it. Many times I’ve caught myself looking at dad’s phone number on my phone and almost pressed call. I just wanna hear your voice Dad. I wanna hear your laugh. I want you here. Why are you up there and not down here? Dad, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything ~ all the pain you had, the diabetes you had, all the struggle you have to go through and everything. I wish I knew how I would be able to remove all your problems. I wish there was something I could have done to make you stay here..with me..not up there. Dad, I miss you so much. I don’t know how many times I’ve let the tears fallen down my cheeks. I don’t know how many times I’ve been thinking off you ~ I can not stop think of you. Dad, are you good? Are you pain free? I’m wondering how you are. How are you doing up there? People say that I should believe ~ I’ve tried. I really have! I would do anything to have a moment with you again. Dad, I’m sorry for everything. I haven’t been the best daughter of yours. I haven’t been so much for you to be proud off. I’m truly sorry dad. I wish I could have you here and make sure to make you proud. I feel like I’ve let you down, that I’ve made you disappointed. Dad, they say that time heals all wounds.. I wish I could believe that. I wish it was true. 1 6 0 days ago already. 40 more days and it will be 200 days since you left us.

Your birthday is coming up dad. Your birthday and mine. Wow.. first years I won’t be able to call you and wish you “Happy birthday”. First time I won’t hear you break into tears when you say thank you. Dad, why did you decide to go now? Why did you decide to return to heaven and become the angel you once were? 
I’m sorry dad.

You were an angel on earth. You’re now an angel in heaven. With golden wings and a smile on your lips. You will walk around on the clouds and look down on us. You will hopefully be standing at the gates, waiting on me when it is my time to go. My angel, I can not wait til I am in your arms, I can not wait to run up to you and give you the longest hug in life time history for angels and God. Dad, my angel, I will never let you go. I let it happen once but never again. My angel, please wipe the tears away, please smile. My angel, you may be in heaven, you may not be here with us but you will forever be in our hearts. Dad, never forget the life and joy you had. Dad, never forget about me, and my two sisters plus C & P. Dad, never forget about the kids, never forget about mum. My angel, my sweet sweet angel. I miss you so much. I miss you so much it hurts. I can not stop cry. I can not let a day pass without wondering how you are and if you are pain-free. 
I love you & I miss you so much

My beloved father ~ Johnny 

2016 | •• ♡ Dad ♡ •• · 2016 | Hurricane in my head · 2016 | Miss Santorini {Photos}

Wishes ~ solve the problems before it’s too late and before you regret

People ask you this question If you had 3 wishes, what would you wish for?” To be honest I only need one wish. I would wish that my dad was here with us again. If I had to use all 3 I would wish for more wishes so I could help people with their wishes, I would wish that our friends and family came back to us and be with us here on earth instead of walking around in heaven. 

You can always wish and dream to have a person back in your life but please, don’t wish that when they are gone, when it is too late. You hurt yourself more than helping yourself. Take your time and be with the people you love. I barely had the chance to be with my dad and I regret it so so so much. So please, if you have an unsolved argument or so with someone you love ~ please solve it now before it’s too late. Last time I met my dad we had an massive argument about Muslims, arabs etc and I was so mad and angry at him. So take this from someone who had some unsolved issues with someone they loved  ~ solve the issues now before it’s to late.


The photo don’t match but what ever.  Ducklips ✔ check! In bed? ✔ dislike ✔✔✔✔

2016 | •• ♡ Dad ♡ ••

To my beloved father

posted this on my public Facebook. 

You’re always with me Dad. Every step I take and every breathe I take. I wish I could hug you, I wish I could hear your voice. I wish I could see you smile. Dad, protect us all but mostly over mama! I love you Dad and I can finally relax just a little bit now when I know you are home where you now belong ~ together with the nature and the earth. My angel, protect us, guide us, be our guardian angel. Dad, my hero, my father ~ I’m proud of you. I wish you were here instead of up in the heaven and walk around on the clouds.

Wait for me dad when it is my turn to go. Please be standing in front of the gate with your arms open when its my turn to go. I will run up to you and hug you but I will never let you go. You left me once, I’m not allowing that again. 
I wish I could sit on a cloud next to you, looking down  on the people on earth with you. Laugh, smile and have that father/daughter time. Just be able to sit next to you would make me the happiest girl. 
I love you Dad, and please protect mama ♡