2017

Personal.

Stuff happened, I got scared. Things happened between us all, I wish it never did. What happened is not okey. It never will be okey. I almost lost my gift from heaven. I took distance from people. I took distance from my own husband. I needed space. I needed space to breath. I ended up at the hospital the day after. Not feeling my baby and a bit blood in my underwear. I got scared. That night was so much for me. I’m still not over it. I’m scared of letting people into my life again. I must think of my baby. I’m scared. I’m confused. I’m an empty shell without you. But what happened that night is not okey. I’m had massive pains after those hours and til today I still feel that pain. Not like it was but I’m still in pain.  Yet, everyday I ask myself “where is she? How is she? Is she good?” etc. Everyday I look millions of millions of times on my phone to see if she messaged me but nothing. I had to change everything, my life and everything. Take distance from people including my own family. I took steps back and now I’m here. Sitting and crying. I’m scared. I’m lost. I’m not complete. I’m alone. I feel lonely. I have my husband but it’s not the same. I’m crying because I miss you. But I’m scared. I’m scared of what happened. Will it happen again? Will I lose my child? I don’t know what to do. I want us to be like before but I know that won’t happened. You have your time to sorrow and I need to focus on the child and not lose him in miscarriage or so. I wish we could be the way we were before I got pregnant. Before the sad part happened in our lives. I really wish. To not have you in my life is horrible. To take a distance from people I love is so hard. To take a break from everything called social media is hard. But I need to do it. It’s August 2nd today. Almost two weeks. I miss you and I hope you are good. I’m checking your blog many times a day to see if you have updated but nothing. Don’t hold your life because of what happened. Maybe one day we will be back together but right now, I don’t know. I’m not sure. I miss you, I truly do. I love you and you know that. 

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